Narcissism, police departments, and the good cop/bad cop pairing

A decade ago or so, my narcissist parents proudly told me and my sister that they were like a good cop/bad cop duo. My father was the bad cop, aggressive, hostile, and ready to blatantly terrorize you; and my mother was the good cop, so calm and superficially kind in comparison to her partner that you don't realize she's just as nasty deep down and feel inclined to trust her (although they framed it in a more flattering way than that). Treating your children like interrogation subjects is certainly an interesting parenting method... But at least growing up in those conditions gave me a perfect understanding of narcissism and abusive behavior within police departments. 

I remember disliking and distrusting my father starting when I was in preschool. And when I was 9 or 10, I fantasized about him tripping on a rock and dying. (I was always a girlboss deep down.) His level of blatant coldheartedness made it clear that there was no reason for me to like or respect him, but it also caused me to view my seemingly caring and sensitive mother as a source of safety due to how much she contrasted him. Even though she traumatized me just as much, if not more due to her greater emotional influence over me, I never realized it because, well, that's the nature of the good cop and their deceptive politeness.

My perpetually angry and demanding father terrorized me out of standing up for myself, before my mother did the real work of tearing down my self-esteem and my sense of self. Due to being aware of what a jerk my father is (I always thought he just has major anger issues) I didn't internalize most of his insults, such as regularly calling me a whore. But I did internalize how intimidated he made me feel whenever he was angry with me, which motivated me to provoke him as little as I could. I used to talk back when he yelled at me during my earlier teenage years, but eventually, I resigned myself to standing there in silence while he hurled insults at me, because saying anything in defense of myself would just heat him up and make the argument last longer. I developed the instinct to repress my anger and frustration in general and fear confrontation, which I discuss in the second half of this article.

My mother's calm presence soothed me in comparison. I always viewed her as an amazing person who deserved a daughter better and less toxic than me and felt guilty if I disappointed her. I believed everything she said, including taking it to heart when she told me in 2019 that I'm wired to not care about other people's feelings and am really only motivated by money, which is not true but rather was narcissistic projection.

So that's why the good cop/bad cop pairing is so effective when it comes to drawing out confessions. The good cop builds up a sense of trust with the suspect while the bad cop openly bullies them and makes them afraid of what could happen if they don't comply with the interrogation. And they both gaslight the suspect as much as my parents gaslit me to destabilize my sense of self and decrease my ability to rely on myself.

Police departments are full of abusers, because what better job for a narcissist or antisocial than getting paid to terrorize and gaslight people, along with having access to a gun? According to research, approximately 40% of police officers in the United States abuse their wives or children, and that's just based on the results of surveys filled out by police themselves. I wonder what those statistics would look like if they were forced to take a truth serum before answering questions about whether or not they're abusive at home. 

White supremacy and misogyny within police departments are the results of how much narcissists and antisocials love to power trip. They have a great time harassing, assaulting, and even killing innocent black people, along with making women's lives as miserable as possible when they try to report sexual assault or domestic violence. Why would the police engage with survivors in good faith when they are a bunch of abusers and rapists?

You don't even have to take my word for it when I say that the Acton, MA police department is staffed by abusive men who are most certainly capable of rape. They have an already-publicized history of racism and harassment. Everyone back in Acton who knows about the stunts they've pulled probably found my article on them being staffed by rapists completely plausible.

A few years ago, there was a highly racist incident at an elementary school in Acton, where—if I remember correctly... this was described to me by my mother—the police were called on a 10- or 11-year-old black student who was exhibiting behavioral issues. When his mother showed up at the school wanting to take him home, because she knew that would be more helpful than him getting taken to the hospital, she was arrested and taken away in handcuffs while her son got hauled off in an ambulance. My former boss from the Mathnasium of Acton, Susri Anuradha, led a meeting for any and all citizens of Acton to air out their grievances with regards to racism perpetrated by the police and by school administrators in Acton, which was broadcasted on YouTube. I can't find the video or any articles about what happened, but anyone who lived in Acton during that time and heard about the incident will be able to back this up.

Then, in March of 2022, two unidentified members of the Acton police department were put on leave after being accused of inappropriate conduct in two separate incidents by a former Acton-Boxborough Regional High School student. The details weren't published online, but I don't doubt that it was either racism or sexual harassment. 

So, to summarize, ACAB and fuck the police. ❤️