@ everyone who's still simping for my parents, part 1

La versión en español de este articulo

Since I've received far more support from internet strangers I met through Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram than I have from anyone related to me ever since I started talking publicly about being a child abuse survivor a month ago, I decided to write a series of posts for my blog directed at everyone who's still on my parents' side. Part 2 will discuss the similarities between my experiences and those of Amber Heard, who has also been unfairly painted as some kind of unhinged liar who wasn't actually abused. She's currently being accused of being the aggressor rather than the victim in her abusive relationship with Johnny Depp, who has done a great job of DARVOing everyone into believing Amber Heard is the most Bad Evil Woman ever and even getting the #MenToo hashtag going on Twitter.

So, first of all... My father is an aggressive, demanding, and hostile type of narcissist who I would describe as the Indian version of Donald Trump. Arguments with him are something like the 2016 presidential debates between Trump and Hillary Clinton. If you think it was bad to live under Trump's presidency for four years, imagine living with him.

Meanwhile, my mother is different and far more insidious; I would characterize her as a covert narcissist. She appears strikingly kind, caring, charismatic, intelligent, hardworking, generous, et cetera... Well, I'll say she's hardworking for sure. She put an incredible amount of effort into gaslighting me, tearing down my self-esteem, and pitting me and my sister against each other starting when we were toddlers so that we held mutual resentment instead of solidarity and never were able to unionize against our parents.

Given that almost all of my relatives on both sides of my family blocked me on Facebook after I posted in early April about my parents stealing 10K from me, I assume that my parents went around calling me a toxic liar and convinced everyone that they are actually my victims. I don't feel hurt by this anymore, just disappointed in everyone who, instead of even listening to my side of the story, automatically put all their faith in a pair of alleged child abusers. 

I'm 99% certain that my parents have told everyone that the reason I've been accusing them of abuse and acting this way is that I'm manic due to not taking my bipolar disorder meds. Well, I'm not even bipolar, okay? I just have extreme emotional dysregulation as a trauma response and tend to enter a state resembling mania when I emotionally dissociate as another trauma response. 

If you're a relative or family friend, you probably remember me as quiet, spacey, and reluctant to participate in conversations. Well, my "spaciness" is maladaptive daydreaming along with dissociation, and my shyness is (or, more accurately, was—after moving out of my parents' house and breaking free of their gaslighting, I've become surprisingly extroverted and talkative) the result of low self-esteem caused by emotional neglect in my early childhood. In fact, my parents made my self-esteem so low that I developed a personality disorder based on how little of it I had. 

If my parents are as perfect as everyone thinks they are, then how did I end up with all the traits of histrionic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, both of which are caused by childhood trauma, along with a disorganized attachment style and a tendency to dissociate in response to stress or emotional pain? Why do I have executive dysfunction so severe that I fit all the criteria for ADHD despite not having it, according to the psychologist who performed neuropsychological testing on me back in 2019? (I'll tell you why—it's because a lifetime of emotional abuse and gaslighting caused me to have almost zero executive function, a very common response to complex trauma.)

Since emotional abuse and coercive control are perfectly legal in the state of Massachusetts—only physical and sexual abuse are considered crimes there, apparently—my parents will never be anything more than alleged abusers. I can't take them to court and get a judge to rule that I'm telling the truth. But between the ages of 12 and 20, I worked with plenty of psychologists and psychiatrists who witnessed what they should have realized was all the classic signs of complex trauma (I can only assume that abuse and CPTSD weren't discussed in their college lectures while they were training for their licenses) and will be able to testify in support of me if needed.

Believing whatever my parents say reflects far more on your morality, your ability to stand up for what's right, and how you think survivors should be treated when they speak out about abuse, than it does on the plausibility of my story. If you still think I'm just having a manic break or making this up for financial gain, all I want you to do is think long and hard about whether or not you can justify taking the side of an alleged child abuser when you close your eyes at night.